I've just had a beautiful week - mostly.

Victoria, high tea, beer on a patio, a library conference, Vancouver Island, and I won an award to boot! It was one of those weeks that makes life seem perfect and amazing.

Therein lies the battle.

Picture this.

11:00 am : "Alex, I'm so excited! I have so many great ideas to make our library even better!"
11:01 am : Tears

2:00 pm : The Pacific Ocean, the mountains, the sun. Perfection.
2:01 pm : Tears

The happier I feel, the more my heart aches at Anya's absence.

This battle between joy and sadness, between laughter and betrayal, has become my new normal.

How can life be beautiful, without Anya? How can I feel so passionate about libraries, when I struggle to find purpose in life?

How can life feel good, when inside I'm screaming, desperately searching for answers? Where do I go from here?